Inner Soulmate

As a young child I was overwhelmed by the notion of this one somewhere in the world I would meet and fall in love with. What if she was in China? Would chance succeed in bringing us together? Would she love me back? Childhood innocence yet, even in adulthood, there appears to remain this longing for the ideal partner where success in finding them is to be our defining life accomplishment under which all else hangs.

 

It's almost a cliché to suggest the place to look is within rather than without, that we are already our own perfect lover. It can sound like a simplistic cop-out: too easy and, somehow more idealistic than the elusive but romantic quest for the lost half of our soul. But let's be indulgent for a moment: suspend our beliefs and judgements just long enough to consider what could be different if we were to experimentally adopt this thinking. Just for fun, pretend like it has validity and just see where it takes us. What are the possibilities?

This is my take:

• I can stop searching for "the something else", stop second-guessing about the future and, instead, focus my attention on where I am, what I have when in relationship and when not.

• I could feel no longer that I need completing or that I'm defined by the success of my relationship.

• I could drop my small and restricted ideas of ideal, perfect, right and successful - stop making a partner responsible, expecting them to fulfil my fantasies and then being angry when they're not.

• I can begin to regard 'other' and 'relationship' with a certain awe and curiosity that allows for the surprise of unknown.

• I can focus my attention on creating a better relationship with myself - treat myself better, with the tenderness and respect I would expect another to treat me.

So for me, embracing the idea of an inner soulmate holds attractive potential and could enhance all my relationships. The question then becomes a practical question of how. I'm excited to be working with Shakti on the Inner Soulmate intensive. Over a period of two months, starting this Saturday, we will facilitate a group of people through an experiential process of developing a positive inner relationship.

To check the current state of your inner relationship try this simple exercise: Look at your relationships with members of the opposite sex, especially lovers. Then, look at how you regard others of the same sex. Now, imagine a man and a women who represent each of these that you observed. Imagine this man and women together in relationship. How does it look?

Each person's experience of the above exercise will be very different and very personal. If you've had an insight from this I would love to hear. For my own experiences, read My Guy and Gal get Jiggy and Inner Soulmate Reflections.

I would love to read your comments on this.

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