Listened to an interesting live broadcast the other evening about Romantic Love given by Judith Simmer-Brown, an Acharya of Shambhala. Very topical and highly relevant to the ongoing struggle I witness so many engaged in.
From my own experiences and reflective examination of these things in my life, I see romantic love as a deeply ingrained fantasy that cannot be fulfilled. If we really look at our romantic love ideas closely, don't they have the quality of a dream, of something unattainable that only happens to other people (and in the movies) - and there's always a tragic element, some feeling of loss, sadness or disappointment (which we try to ignore because it won't happen to us)?
We create this ideal of romantic love and the perfect lover, experience these in the throws of a new relationship, and then sink into a range of extremely painful emotions when the romance ends and we decide the lover isn't living up to our lover-blueprint. The fantasy is perpetuated, in part, due to our inherent belief in its truth and ability to make us happy (for ever and ever after!) and due to the temporary high we experience during the romantic love bliss state at the beginning of new relationships.
But the challenge is not to outright dismiss the notion of romantic love. It is to meet it fully when the fantasy begins to crack; to go through the pain and loss of our shattered illusions, hand-in-hand with the lover. As we start to see the lover beyond the limited reflection of our small desire, perhaps then there is an opportunity to love deeply.
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