We know deep down when we're being sneaky, when our integrity is lacking. My flavour of this has been that I am not always direct with my words. I see my trickery: by aluding to something I force the other to work it out, making them look stupid in their ignorance; or, I make the other out to be 'wrong/bad' while I position myself as being 'right'. It's a power play.
When I allow myself to notice this, listening to what I say in my attempt to conceal or 'make nice', I feel nausia and self-loathing. These feeling help motivate an expression that feels more honest.
This is a commitment I have made for myself this year:
To risk being more straightforward and direct in what I say.
How I understand this is to plainly speak my truth of each moment rather than subtly adjusting it, reducing it, making it sound 'better' than how I perceive it may be received or in any way judging myself. I see that my underlying fear, deeper than that of hurting another, is of being vulnerable - exposed in my feelings of guilt and shame - and ultimately of not being accepted as I am.
This is one interpretation of the Lojong slogan Do not be Devious – to not attempt to achieve some alteria motive through an attempt to conceal or modify. On the surface I can fool myself into believing, as I have often done in the past, that I do this for the benefit of the other from a sense of my goodness. But with careful reflection it is really for my own benefit – my attempt to not feel exposed and be seen as an arsehole.
A slightly broader view suggests not acting with any hidden desire or motive to appear or feel better. An example given is where blame is accepted to gain personal benefit from looking like a martor or 'good samaraton'. Accepting the blame is not done with pure or good intent for the benefit of all but to boost the ego, the sense of self worth.
This would also apply to any spritual practice or act, such as meditation or giving, where the motivation is to appear 'better' or 'good'. If the underlying intention is purely self-serving it is like putting a fresh coat of paint over a delapitated house.
Streching this even further I offer that any future directed thought behind an act holds potential to taint it. Where motivation holds an expectation regarding outcome there can be a grasping for or attachment to what the result 'should be'. Therein lies a judgement of what is 'good' and what is 'bad'. Attachment to outcome creates an opportunity for suffering.
Osho suggests that acting from any attitude is 'sneaky' because it is removed from immediate reality. Acting from so-called negative attitudes, such as prejudice, hate, anger, greed, ambition or violence, obviously cannot be said to be for the good of all. And so, at the very least, do to not act from these feelings and intentions. Eventually though, complete non-judgement or non-dualisting thinking allows both the 'negative' and the 'positive' to fall away.
To practice this in your life notice when you act from a motivation of personal gain. Judy Lief, teacher in the Shambhala tradition of Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche, suggests not to judge it and supress it but to bring it into the open, to shine a spotlight on it. She says:
“Ironically, to move from selfishness to concern for others, you could start by being honestly selfish. When such selfishness is hidden, that underground force colors everything you do, and you can’t help but act with a twist. But each time you expose it, you are diminishing its power.”
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